The lady with the lamp Miss Nightingale at Scutari 1854

Does anybody remember when trolls where disgusting plastic things with green hair? We didn’t know when we were well off.

Over the past couple of days I’ve been trolled by btl commentators – one in particular, although there are several – for saying that the NHS Test and Trace app doesn’t have a checkout option (it doesn’t and it even says this in the app’s FAQs) and for suggesting that this is a design fault.

Yesterday, I checked into to two venues. When I checked into the second venue at 12:45, the app updated the checkout time at the first venue to 13:00. This too, apparently, is untrue. The records are sitting there on my phone staring me in the face.

So, I stand accused of lying and spreading misinformation. I expect to be cancelled at any moment.

Others have been rash enough to point out that a lot of people can’t use the app because they don’t change their phone every five minutes and can’t upgrade to the minimum operating system required to run the app.

Given the seriousness of the situation, wouldn’t it be both morally justified and cost-effective for the Government to finance a “new lamps for old” exercise? People could then trade in their old phones for a basic new one and at no cost (or a subsidised cost) or pay the difference if they wanted something a bit more upmarket.